Living In This Time of COVID. Personal Inquiry Required

In our virtual bi-monthly coaches gathering in May we discovered we were thinking similar things: How do we re-enter a world living with COVID in a way that feels comfortable? What will we do and not do as COVID protocols become more relaxed and we are surrounded with wildly conflicting ideas about what re-opening should look like?  It was comforting to know we weren’t alone in this query.
 
It seems the time is ripe to hang out with this contemplation as Multnomah County has begun Phase-1 re-opening. We’ve crafted some thoughts and questions to reflect on for your own practice of personal inquiry to be able to more intentionally re-enter life during these odd times. Having a personal policy in advance for you and your household can alleviate stress and decision-making fatigue.

When you see contradictory ideas everywhere you look about the 'safe' way to go about life at this time, it can be frustrating to figure out just how to re-enter our lives without second guessing our every move.  Being filled with doubt and confusion is hardly an improvement over the last three months of being filled with fear and anxiety.  For better or worse, all this time staying inside and leading smaller versions of our usual lives has woken us up to many things.  For some, it spotlighted aspects of our lives we previously and habitually chose to overlook. For others, it summoned us to sit down and have a long chat with our fears and anxieties. For many it pointed out relationship and community are so essential to our well being that perhaps they need be added to the 'essential workers' team in our lives. 
 
Acknowledging to what degree this is true for you feels like an important consideration as places re-open and potential pressure to gather grows.  How do we honor our feelings and needs as we make choices in our day to day?  What strategies can we put into place to create longer-term options for relating? And, what personal practices do we need to create in order to feel empowered, intentional and at ease with our life choices?

THE DANGERS OF ‘GROUP-THINK’

For starters we need to reconnect to thinking for ourselves in order to avoid the dangers of 'group think'.  As a kid I recall my mom saying "just because your friends want to go jump off a bridge doesn't mean you do!"   Maybe this was a universal saying in the 70's. Either way, you get the point.  It was a way to encourage me to think for myself at a time when 'group think' among my fellow adolescents was the dominant influence in my know-it-all brain.   
 
Not only do we owe it to ourselves to be calmly and clearly thinking for ourselves during this time, we need to be transparent and inclusive of our thoughts with others.  We need to practice honest disclosure and consent—the type of disclosure and consent practiced commonly among moms whose kids may desperately want to attend the sleep over party tonight, but who has had a fever or been around another kid who had lice yesterday!  And of course head lice doesn’t come with as hefty a price tag! Let’s get in the habit of hitting 'pause' to assess our goings-on and invitations.  Let’s evaluate what kind of outings and how many are considered too risky. How will we be respectful and do our part to contain the spread of the virus? And, equally important, let’s ponder our emotional needs and mental health status at a time when the universal need for a little joy is impossible to ignore. 
 
Success in avoiding ‘group think' will, in large part, lie in our ability to step into a process of personal inquiry.  As we choose to ask ourselves tough questions and allow ourselves to sometimes make tough choices, we strengthen our ability to accept, respect and honor not only our own feelings and needs, but vicariously the feelings and needs of others. When we lead by gently acknowledging our own feelings without judgment, we put in play the powerful transformation of acceptance and naturally create a deeper understanding of the needs of others. This feels imperative. The last thing we need is to create a deeper wedge in our connection by adding social shaming to the pain of social distancing. Conversely, if you have the habit of honoring and respecting the choices of others before your own, let that be an invitation to deepen your commitment  to honoring and respecting your own as well!

CREATING A PRACTICE OF PERSONAL INQUIRY

So, as states and counties continue to relax their shelter-in-place regulations, how will we define what this means to us personally?   Any invitations already rolling in are a great way to answer this question.  Pause to decide what is right for you. Inquiry is a powerful way to check in with yourself.
 
Ask yourself:
 
If I am going to go to this, or do that, what are the risks?
(Think in terms of inside vs. outside, masks vs. no masks, numbers of companions, length of exposure to companions, age and health status of myself and my companions)
What are the risks to others?
What are the precautions I must take?
Am I willing to take these precautions? 
Will these precautions keep me and those around me safe? 
Are those around me also committed to taking precautions?
Can I ask for my personal needs to be met?
Do I want this for myself?
Do I want this for my household?
Is this a 'need' or a 'want' or are these emotionally co-mingled?
Do I feel resistance?  If so, how can I acknowledge and honor my resistance? 
Do I feel I need permission to go or not go? 
Do I feel I need to explain my actions if I do or don't do? 
 
To deepen your inquiry and empower self-discovery, contemplate  these additional questions: 
 
What am I learning about myself during this time?
What about quarantine living has been hard and why? 
What about quarantine living has been agreeable to me that I want to carry over into my everyday way of life even when this is over?
What does it look like for me to act and respond skillfully without abandoning myself?
What does it look like for me to fully and transparently share these feelings with others?
 
Adopting the process of personal inquiry is a powerful opportunity to grow from living in this time of COVID.   In time, with the practice of personal inquiry and open transparency, we will become more adept at being in touch with and sharing our vulnerability.  We will become more practiced at having the tough conversations with grace and humility. We will become more fluid and at ease in the common ground of our humanness.

As we journey the path of personal inquiry, we are growing a resolute practice of trusting our instincts and honoring our wishes. When we attune to ourselves and surrender to our honest needs, we find our place of comfort and are simply more able to lead from this place. 
 
Creating boundaries in our lives is usually challenging and doing so in the time of COVID is no exception. Regardless, we must bravely allow ourselves to stay present in all of it, observing the ways in which it is difficult, sad, frustrating, lonely, confusing, etc. with self love and acceptance.  As we accept and feel at ease around our needs we make choices that reflect them, rather than choices to comply with the ideas or needs of others.  With this, we become more open and free to be present to the magic alive within the boundaries we’ve created for ourselves.  Even as FOMO is still a part of our lives with COVID, let us remember one thing we want to miss out on is getting COVID itself! 
 
So, how do we have a life and yet not go back to having all of it?  Who is a part of this smaller circle and who is not?  Again, personal inquiry can help to avoid getting lost in the stress of the should's and can'ts of life.  Ask yourself:
 
Am I feeling pressured to act outside of what feels right for me?
Am I compromising my behaviors or boundaries for another’s sake?
What do I need here? What options do I have to take care of what I need?
Am I withholding what feels important to me?
Am I looking outside for approval?   
 
When I close my eyes for a moment and check in with my body what else do I notice? 
Does this feel right in my body? 
What energy does my body have and how can I honor it? 
 
What does it feel like when I have ease in my body? 
What does it feel like when I have fear in my body?
If I am feeling conflicted, what does my intuition or instinct tell me?
What do I need to feel safe?
 
Let's be honest, not only is this an opportunity to build self trust, it is the opportunity to discontinue doing or engaging with things in your life that were already suspect or not 100% aligned with your values.  Perhaps you are feeling drawn to help the environment recover by driving less or buying less stuff or eating less meat, to name a few that are top of mind.  
 
Because we cannot go back to what was, we need to consider how it is we will go forward.  I think none of us would opt for the idea of 'nothing' over the idea of 'everything' and by now we know neither of these ideas really work.  We must skip living in the extremes and recognize we are being called to find our middle way.  The choice is not if we will compromise or sacrifice, but rather how we will compromise and sacrifice, for the greater good and for our own good. Which turn out to be one and the same.  What will we give up for now? What will we give up forever?  Where will we proceed with caution?  What will proceeding with caution look like?  What words will we use to share our process and our choices?  Sharing our process is sharing our love and respect for our community.  Sharing transparently keeps us connected, even as we are apart.  This type of deep transparent sharing is a the type of connection that goes beyond any physical space between us. Thank you for joining us in this inquiry and this connection.

Trust your intuition.  Listen to the energy in your body. Let your truth guide you through. Kindness and consideration are contagious too.  Whatever your choices, go slow and pay attention, be in the details. The value and quality of life lives in the aliveness of the details.  

Yours truly,

Michele Greco & the whole team at the Portland Coaching Collective

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